Friday 24 January 2014

Impossible Closure

They wronged me.

I am not worth love.

My future is in ruins.

How could they?

My blood boils.
My anger is brewing.

You'll never understand,
and you might never know
the pain of sewing back
those open wounds.

How long must
I endure
and wait
for a final cure?

But a question begs itself.

Why have I given
much of myself
in the name
of hope?

Who will mend
the scarred soul
of one who has
given up?

But just like a broken door
or a floppy shoe,
the fix lies with it's creator.

My heart calls for Him.

I now hand over
all of my sorrows,
my regrets,
and my guilt;
asking for one thing in return;

wholeness

and endless love

Oh God, please forgive me.

Forgive me for ever believing closure
was my right.
Forgive me for seeking what I do not own.

I accept all that has befallen me
and to it I say, "thank you."
For somehow finding a way
to guide my soul back to you

Alhamdoulillah.

Monday 20 January 2014

Invisible Relationships: Why Playing a Double Life Will Get You Nowhere

Yes, I am aware this is "Random Rants of a Muslima" and I haven't been as angry as I should be. So here goes.

This entry is dedicated to all my brothers and sisters playing "the game". To all the brothers who are "just looking for a wife". And to my sisters who think they're "just friends."

Dear beloved young brothers and sisters in Islam,

You're youthful. Energetic. Full of pent up emotions and passion waiting to be disposed of. That is perfectly normal. I will not dictate how you should run the course of your life. But I just want to let you know that your actions won't be hidden from view much longer. I write with the intent to expose those of you who have slipped into the habit of having what I like to call "invisible relationships". Yes, I am talking about that on-the-side fella or lady whom you've found a safe haven with. So while you spend your free time entertaining this questionable relationship with the opposite gender, under whatever excuse you've sold yourself of "were just friends" and that "she doesn't respect herself anyway" and the sort, you've really only fooled yourselves into believing that you're guaranteed a shield between you and Allah.

Wait, that's not you, right? I must be talking about some other people on the other side of the world or something.

Why? Because you pray five times a day and constantly hammer your online networks with Islamic reminders? That Facebook wall, twitter, instagram, whatsapp and wherever else you work full-time to deliver your perfect image. More spaces to connect with "potentials", am I right?

Between monitoring all your accounts and sucking in all the celebrity love, the private messages and chats have become a place of comfort and familiarity. Entertaining a single or multiple online relationships must be difficult to maneuver, I bet. Especially when they suck up so much of your free time. The attention must do wonders, right? And don't take me for a fool, when you send a "I like how you shared that hadeeth", no one is oblivious to your unstated intentions. Just drop whatever excuse you've convinced yourself of now. Because what is right doesn't need an excuse.

"It is not righteousness to enter houses from the back, but righteousness is [in] one who fears Allah. And enter houses from their doors. And fear Allah that you may succeed." [Albaqara:189]

When's the last time you checked your heart? All of this time you've spent concerned with other people and managing these invisible relationships has drained your energy and you've lost focus of what really counts. Bottom line is, trying to blaze two paths is exhausting. It is not only tiresome but it distracts from Allah's worship. If everyday you have to feel that you're at risk of slipping from your deen, then you've made the journey harder for yourself. You've got no one to blame but your indecisiveness. My advice to you is to take a hard look at your life and evaluate where your standards stand. Are they flexible or are they as certain and solid as Allah's book?

Young one, nobody said that being a Muslim was easy. But there is no downtime for a pious Muslim. Do whatever it takes to keep to your standards. Get creative, distract yourself, indulge in causes, and keep temptations away from all your senses if that's what works. But, do not allow yourself to witness your own hands and eyes commit wrong and choose to be stubborn against Allah's orders.

"And let those who do not find the means to marry keep chaste until Allah makes them free from want out of His grace." [Al-Nur:33]

Ps. Anyone who thinks of themselves as "single and ready" to mingle can go find those like him. That's enough toiling with our chaste sisters and brothers.

If you want to read more, try one of our top articles: "Sister's Speak: A Muslima's Common Boy Problems" and part 2 of it as well!

Tuesday 7 January 2014

Random Rants of a Muslima's Top 10 Most Read Articles of 2013

Happy New Year Everyone!

I thought I could show my appreciation for my readers by revealing the Top 10 Most Read Articles on this blog.

I realized from this list that the most read posts were the ones that focused on the topics not so readily talked about so I hope to continue along this route in sha Allah. I think it is far more beneficial for me and for everyone if I was to add to the blogging world new ideas and thoughts rather than with cliches. I want to hear from you on your favorite posts and what you liked or didn't like the most about this blog.

To be honest, when I started this blog I didn't anticipate anybody reading it. I figured, who'd want to hear anything from an anonymous sister? I just needed a place to dump my thoughts so I felt like they were important. But alhamdoulillah good intention goes a long way and Allah (swt) wanted you all to hear them and for that I'm grateful.

I am thankful for all of you readers, for the fellow sisters who courageously submitted their entries and for all the benefit that came from this initiative. Alhamdoulillah.

So, without further delay, here is the top 10 posts of 2013:

# 10:

Top 10 Elements of a Beautiful Muslima

This was one of my first posts. I wanted to write about very specific qualities that make a woman stand out. There was really nothing out there that explained beauty in the character of a Muslima in specific. I hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it.

# 9:

Sister's Speak: A Muslima's Common Boy Problems

A little risqué, I know. I was contemplating for quite some time whether I should do a post like this one. I postponed it until I couldn't handle hearing more stories of broken sister's hearts. So, with the help of a dear friend, we were able to put together our two cents on common gender relations issues. There's a part 2 as well.

# 8:

10 Verses That Address The State of Our Ummah

This one was long overdue. There was too much confusion and hate in the air. It was time to come back to the basics and to extract some inspiration and guidance from the Quran and Sunnah. These times are tough on all of us, but we mustn’t forget our mortality.

# 7:

The Dreaded Dress

This one was written by a dear sister whose thoughts were unfiltered and honest. Which I think is what ultimately helped the viewer relate. She was quite hesitant to share this, but with some encouragement, she ended up doing so and I'm thankful for that, cause it's a really great entry.

#6:

From Buddhism to Christianity and Finally to Islam

Another great entry by a dear sister who's been through quite a bit. Her story is inspiring and humbling to say the least.

#5:

20 signs you have an ego problem

If you've been following for quite some time, you might have noticed a recurring theme of the ego. That's because I think it's one of these hidden things that we tend to assume others have a problem with and we don't. I wanted to shed light on the signs that one might have to recheck their ego. I might have used too many yous there though.

# 4:

7 Issues Muslims Face Working With Each Other

This post was inspired by personal experience. There was too much going wrong with the Muslim community in the professional sphere. I thought it was time to address the frustrating issues we face when we try to work with each other. I thought maybe if people knew that these issues exist, they would be more wary of the way they interact with each other. If the article sounds like it was written in anger, that’s because it was; a legitimate rant.

# 3:

10 Reasons Why Kids Don't Like You

I got inspired after witnessing many adults express openly how bad they were with kids and after seeing some of their failed and embarrassing attempts at befriending them. Our children are a silenced majority that need our attention. This was for them

# 2:

Racist Things Your Fellow Muslims Say to Each Other

For this entry, I thought it was about time that we addressed racism from within. We tend to talk a lot about externalized racism but we’ve forgotten that as an ummah, we need to collectively work within before we can expect anyone else to do so. I collected statements heard from many colleagues and acquaintances and complied them into a list.

#1:

10 Signs You Love Someone For The Sake of Allah

And finally, to my favorite article of all time. The term “love for the sake of Allah” was starting to become common and I wondered how many of us really knew what it meant. So I derived the basis of this entry from the Sunnah and Quran and came up with a list of what I thought was love for Allah’s sake.

Thanks again for your constant support and reading. Feel free to post a comment below or share this with your friends.

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Wednesday 1 January 2014

Girl's Corner: 10 Easy Beauty Secrets That Actually Work

I thought I should do a little something for my girls. I want to share with you the tips and products that actually make a difference, and that don't cost a fortune for a change. So, enjoy trying them out, let me know how they work out for you, and feel free to share your own. Follow the links for the products.

Here are 10 simple beauty secrets from me to you:

1) Baking soda + your favorite cleanser make the perfect scrub. Their texture is fine but coarse enough to clean deeply and get rid of those dead skin cells on your face. My favorite cleanser so far is L'Oreal Paris Youth Code Foaming Gel Cleanser.

2) Take it easy on the face washing. The oils that naturally form on your face work as a barrier for incoming bacteria and pathogens. If you need an acne fighting and antibacterial essential oil, try a dab of tea tree oil. And wash your face once or twice a day with a clear and sensitive cleanser.

3) Aloe vera gel is magic for the whole body. Apply some on the skin for instant relief from windburn and dry skin. Also, use it on damp hair, let it dry and comb it out for the shiniest hair you can ever have. Use on face before bed for some serious moisturizing. Make sure you buy a non-alcoholic formula that's a 100% aloe vera. My favorite is Fruit of The Earth.

4) Don't get tricked by advertisements for white teeth from your dentist. You can get the same results at home by purchasing a gel with hydrogen peroxide in it and using a plastic guard for 5-10 minutes a day for a week. You can maintain the whitening with an electric toothbrush (preferably an Oral-B brush) and whitening with the gel once every two weeks or as needed.

5) No to antiperspirants! Get a regular deodorant with natural salts. Don't clog your pores with harsh chemicals. There's also a cancer warning on them too. My favorite to use is Nivea Pure and Natural Deodorant. Although, it's not for everyone.

6) Use a hair pomade or an eyebrow gel to tame the brows. Brush them out with a clean old mascara wand.

7) Can't get those blackheads to open up? Use toothpaste on the trouble areas, remove and squeeze gently in a pulling away motion.

8) Vaseline is your friend in the winter. Apply just enough to the cheeks, bridge of nose, lips and forhead for a highlighter effect. Apply some to the tear ducts of your eye and your eye lids too. It will save you from the wind burn.

9) Don't go without sunscreen! Find a formula that combines as a moisturizer, SPF protection and a sheer coverage (optional). If you are darker in color, purchase a low SPF and make sure it's oil free. My favorite is Clean and Clear's Finishes Pore Perfecting Moisturizer.

10) If you shower in hot water, save your hair from it! Wash your hair separately under cold water after using conditioner. It makes the biggest difference.

That's all for now! Let me know if these tips work for you.

Oh, and if you want to know how you can perfect inner beauty, read Top 10 Elements of a Beautiful Muslima.

:)

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Related articles

How Getting Lost in Transit Became A Metaphor for the Straight Path

If you're anything like me, a simple experience like getting lost in transit is nothing to shrug your shoulders about. It may be paranoid thinking, but a little reflection never hurts.

As Muslims, we are aware that accidents are not really accidents. We know that we are being tested when we encounter a bump in the road. So some of us reflect quite a bit; wondering where the wisdom of Allah is in this moment of trial. But of course, we are only human with limited cognition and capabilities and any conclusion we come up with will obviously be incomplete. But we ponder and reflect nonetheless; trying to find a conclusion which gives us ease and increases our iman in Allah (swt).

The other day, I was on my way to see some friends in a new location about an hour away. It was quite some time since I've been out of the home. With the cold weather and extended family time, I thought it was time to get away for a bit. As soon as I left the home, I felt bare - similar to the way a student might feel when they don't wear a backpack. I needed a few minutes to get used to the sun hitting my face and the cold winter air. I had figured out my trip the night before and had no doubts it would get me to my destination. So, while I was on my first bus, I remained vigilant, on the edge of my seat awaiting the specific intersection. As soon as I heard one of the streets on the intersection, I requested a stop. I got off the bus promptly, expecting a smooth transition between this one and the next.

However, suddenly I had found myself alone and in the middle of nowhere. I looked back at the bus, I contemplated getting back on while turning my head and inspecting the area. I can see the highway in front of me. On my left is a road extending from the highway. And to my right was a long trail that appeared endless from where I stood; with some wild bushes lining the trail. I could not see further than these growths, since they stood on a hill that hid what was behind it, although I was sure it was empty farmland. Before I knew it, the bus was no where to be found, it went off into the unknown.

Here I was, a woman alone. This is the 21st century, I thought, I can use my phone to call someone to come get me. But no one picked up. Now, I was completely alone.

Then my mind started playing games with me. Racing thoughts of worst case scenarios started swarming in my head; someone appearing out of the bushes and taking advantage of me. Or a car pulling up and abducting me. Then where would I be? What use of anything I've ever done be then? What can save me if I'm without anything of protection? What will if my life is saved?

I felt the need to act quickly and make a decision. All I need is civilization. I needed the best option at finding people, I thought.

But to my left was no use. So it was inevitable that I blaze the path I was afraid of the most. My heart was beating loud and I could hear and see my breath from the cold air. My extremities were freezing. I began to run.

I ran and supplicated. Perhaps it was an overreaction and irrational fear, but at that moment, I couldn't risk pretending that everything would be okay. I had to remain vigilant and I was alert and ready for anything. I thought, at least there were cars passing every now and then. I could jump in the middle of the road and stop one if someone tried to do me harm. Thoughts still racing. At that moment, I didn't give one thought to how ridiculous I looked. People's opinions of me were the last of my worries right now, I thought.

Suddenly, in the distance, I saw the first sign of life; a the tip of a building, then lights, then the sound of life. Alhamdoulillah. The adrenaline rush subsided. I found the second bus and was back on the path again. Sure of the destination, but at the same time not so sure. I realized now that the room for uncertainty was under Allah's mercy and He alone possessed knowledge of it. I needed Him for this ride. As sure as I was initially, I needed Him for the things I thought I could count on the most. Because once we've given ourselves full control, then that is when we must be the most weary. Because it is merely an illusion.

Some might say that from your nerves, you panicked and got off a stop early. And that I should have just paid better attention. But the heart knows what the mind cannot comprehend. And in that moment, I could not have predicted that I would be lost. I realized that this whole experience was one big metaphor for the straight path (sirat elmustaqeem).

The straight path is comfortable. It is only natural. For we wouldn't be pure from birth if not. It calms the nerves and leaves one with ease. But Satan has promised that he would sit on that path:

7:16

[Satan] said, "Because You have put me in error, I will surely sit in wait for them on Your straight path."[7:16]

So as Muslims, we cannot expect a smooth sailing. What happens when we are led astray from that path? In my story, finding my way back was not as hard as I believed. Similarly to the way Satan leads you away. You commit one sin and feel lost, Satan tells you you're a hypocrite and not a true Muslim and that you shouldn't bother returning to the path. But the path is there! Just shake off his whispers and you'll see it right in front of you! Use your heart and let your gut feelings guide you back.

I could have just as easily walked into nothingness that day. What does a believer do when he finds no path to return to? Or worse yet, when he doesn't believe in the existence of a path at all? He will surely be lost and his illusion of being free from a path will cause his demise. Just as I've been lost from civilization and my only source of survival for that moment, the non-believer and the one who has been led astray will find no food or shelter for his heart. And it doesn't matter how many people are in his company. If they are all lost, then there is no use for them. They will only lead him further away from his natural calling.

Find the strength in Allah. Know that your humanness leaves you vulnerable to the turbulence that comes from this world. You cannot dodge all the trials and you cannot also guarantee yourself a smooth ride. Accept that the only way back is from His guidance. Use your heart and Satan will be left fuming.

7:86

"And do not sit on every path, threatening and averting from the way of Allah those who believe in Him, seeking to make it [seem] deviant. And remember when you were few and He increased you. And see how was the end of the corrupters."[7:86]

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